Age of Microsoft

I don't normally partake of anything Microsoft in my personal life, but Age of Empires DS: Age of Kings seemed like a winner. The maddening nature of RTS games had been jettisoned in favor of the elegance of turn-based combat. Being a huge fan of Advance Wars: Dual Strike (still the superior title), I used some trade at EB Games to pick up AOE:DS.

During the Battle of the River Crossings in Japan (1159-1160), I faced a fearsome opponent: Yoshinaka, a distant cousin who'd led a surprising revolt against the ruling Taira. Little did I know, he was in league with the dark forces of Microsoft. As I took the main bridges, cornering him, he used his special power: CRASH THE NINTENDO DS SYSTEM.

Now, admittedly, all the commanding officers in the game have special powers - but this is just ridiculous, wouldn't you say? I suppose the Mark of the Beast (Microsoft logo) on the packaging should have been a warning.

To be honest, I don't even want to play the game anymore. I have never had a hand-held game crash on me. Ever. In my whole life. From the thumb-battering Mattel blip-fests of the 70s to the Lynx and a whole slew of Gameboys, not once have I seen a game freeze. Reports on the web have revealed that this crash can cause a fatal error in the gamecard. It can never be used again. My own gamecard seems to function after a hard reset. Others haven't been so lucky.

So where do I want to go today? How about to a planet that isn't infested by Microsoft? Or perhaps back to EB Games, before my copy of Age of Empires DS is... history.